Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I Am So Incredibly Sorry

I am so incredibly sorry. I was so wrong. I have been preaching from my pedestal for years. I can’t help but cringe now that I think back to my ignorance. “The justice system is not just...” was a favorite line of choice as I concluded a soliloquy on my concern, rather disdain, with the justice system. Not only should I be apologizing for the lack of originality in that rhetoric but I apologize because I had no clue what I was talking about. I spoke about something that I had only an amateur understanding. I grew up around attorneys, practically in a law firm, but I was looking at some very complex issues very simplistically. I was omnipotent, to let me tell it, but really knew nothing. I was passionate and everyone else apathetic. Well, screw me, because I didn’t know squat. As I sat in my cushiony privileged life surrounded by protection and shelter I looked with contempt at all the players of the justice system, who I thought were destroying America. I held contempt for all the judges, all of them. I held it for the district attorney’s office. For lackadaisical public defenders. I held a special place of contempt for legislatures because I was just sure that they were passing laws placing the poor at a further disadvantage. I held contempt for every person that, during our conversations on the justice system, would look at me with eyes of “Erica this problem is bigger than you.” They were right. I was wrong. The problem of the legal system is much bigger than me and my superficial understanding of it. I am so incredibly sorry.

The problem isn’t that the justice system is not just it’s that life isn’t just. Therefore, any institution in this imperfect world is going to be tragically flawed. The justice system is flawed, yes. But it is not a complete failure. I pegged it as a failure. I propositioned that an entire revamp of the structure of our legal system was needed. I, little ole me, was put on the earth to single-handedly fix this corrupt system. I was to fix this system which imprisoned black men at disproportionate rates, destroyed families, and was only a means for a racist society to leave blacks oppressed. I went to law school with the notion that because I was interested in fixing this problem that it would be fixed. Again, a reflection that I have been protected and sheltered enough to think if I want something I can make it happen. Bump all the people before me that have tired. It’s a wonder that today as I sat across from a fifty year old white inmate at the county jail and had this epiphany that I did not have a complete nervous breakdown and my head blow off. In that moment and every moment since Monday when I started my first legal internship my notions about criminal defense have been disrupted.

I sit for most of the day in courtrooms that are fair. I have yet to see blatant prejudice. People who have committed crimes get chance after chance. Crimes aren’t just felonies most are misdemeanors and for those crimes people are working tirelessly on both sides to try to get plea deals for minimum sentences. Judges aren’t cold and indifferent, they seem genuinely concerned. They empathize. District Attorneys they cross the aisle and are sympathetic to a criminal’s circumstances.

I am mainly exposed to the workings of public defenders. Sadly this is where I think the problem lies. Money is green and life isn’t fair. There are much more criminals who need court appointed attorneys than ones that can actually afford a private one. It’s not the justice system that dictates this it’s just simple money, power and position. The people that need the most help, need the most attention receive fifteen minute interviews with their public defender the day they are to appear in court. They receive this kind of attention not because of an unjust system but because money talks and they don’t have any. In correlation to their economic situation, they are more likely to engage in criminal activity, violate great plea deals that their public defender gets them and end right back up in court. The public defenders are overworked, underpaid and quite frankly desensitized to all the bullshit their clients give them. They see the same clients over and over again. It has nothing to do with what happens when the impoverished criminals get in court, nothing to do with the justice system, it’s all based on the unfairness of life. It’s just life. So when a public defender said to me today “it doesn’t matter if he did it,” there lies the problem. She doesn’t care because she doesn’t have time to care. All she has time for is to see if she can get the man “time served “so she can go back to the revolving door of her two-hundred person caseload.

So, I am sorry justice system because you get a bad rep. I am so sorry to the judge who had every right to throw a bad attitude young woman in jail but didn’t because she wanted to give her one last chance to get things right. I am sorry to the district attorney who gave a young girl advice on not letting a man take advantage of her, went on to hug her as she cried after being sentenced to pay a large sum of money for a poor decision. I am sorry public defenders because you bust your asses every day and don’t see any real progress. I am sorry legislatures because instead of being informed on programs like STARR program which tries to help inmates with addictions, giving them treatment and lighter sentences, I was busy pointing my finger. I am sorry to any person that I have engaged in conversation about this and they listened to me sitting in a very ignorant position, preaching. I am sorry to myself because I am much too smart to label superficial rationales as profound. I am so incredibly sorry.

8 comments:

  1. This is so true. When I was younger I felt that the system was so flawed that there needed to be a total overhaul. While I still feel that there are some inconsistencies in our laws, I recognize that the justice system is not all bad. I will try to work to correct the imperfections, but I have long since cast aside my more militant defiant mantra for a more pragmatic approach.

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  2. We definitely don't have a perfect system so we still need advocates like you with the passion to help those who unfortunately do become victims of our imperfect legal system. This internship will help you see things from both sides and I know that it will help you grow in so many ways. Your passion for this profession along with your understanding will be the two things that help you mature in the field the most. Continue to learn and one day you will still be the Erica that makes a difference!

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  3. I do love the post! :-) I too was forced to make this apology. But I admit, I still find myself reverting and blaming the system. However, fortunately for my sanity, my aim now is not to change the system, but to have a positive impact on the lives of those underprivileged people who God places in my pathway. No we cannot help them all, but we can give 100% to the cases and people who we represent.

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  4. Awwww....I'm glad you are learning so much during your internship. But that's the purpose of having experiences like this. Now you are on the inside...seeing exactly how things work. Before, you were on the outside trying to look in. The justice system is really at a disadvantage as far as people's perceptions of it. Why? I blame the media amongst other things. Rarely, if ever, does the media try to portray the realities of the criminal justice system. They paint this graphic picture of hard nosed...often white male prosecutors whose main goal in life is to get as many convictions as possible (more times than not, at the expense of poor black men). They paint the judge in such a light that he/she is often not caring...not sympathetic. They paint the public defenders as lazy. They paint a very corrupt system, where racism thrives. But thats the media...that, for some reason, is more interesting than the truth. Thats why black people are criticized for wanting to be prosecutors and judges because people feel that they are somehow "selling out". Thats why people think that if you want to be a public defender, you are somehow less intelligent than the rest of the legal community. That couldn't be far from the truth because some of the best attorneys I know started as public defenders. Anyway....keep learning...and keep writing. I'm loving it...

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  5. We will never really know the circumstances that may lead a person to make bad choices in his/her life. What we should have is compassion for everyone involved and pray that we do everything we can to make a difference in a person's life. Each child that I worked with as an educator was important to me. The education system in poverty areas (where I taught for over 35 years in Southeast DC) is not unlike the criminal justice system. The teachers can be compared to attorneys. The jurors can be compared to the school administrators. And the judge can be compared to the school board. Every player in the school system gets a bad rap...we are lazy...we dont care. But that is simply not true. As a teacher, I knew that I could not save the world, but I was going to give them the very best of me that I could so they would have a fair chance at life. That is all you can do. Take the blinders off and see the realness of the world we live in. If you do this, your perspective has to change, one case at a time. I am glad that you are having this experience because it will make her a better lawyer. Beautiful writing.

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  6. Working with the public defender's office last summer I learned the same thing. Actually interviewing the clients and working for them now reveals an even larger part of the puzzle. These people dont feel as if they have a choice. I told the attorney I'm working with this the other day, its OUR fault. Alot of us in law school and in the legal profession came from good backgrounds. And we had alot of opportunity. However, we are rarely lifting as we climb as the saying goes. We dont look back and see the poor person that has no parents, no money and no place to stay. We dont try to convince them that they can do the samethings that we are doing. Its on us to do better with that. Secondly I'm sure when the public defender said it doesnt matter if they did it, it didnt mean what you thought. I've heard that many times. What they mean is that everyone deserves a good representation and a fair day in court, not that they didnt care because they didnt have the time. I asked them so I know this. Otherwise I agree with most of ur blog.

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  7. Hi from the past. The ever helpful Google informed me of your blog - please forgive the intrusion.
    I experienced something similar with regard to my opinion about jurors' ability to judge complex cases. Coming from the Soviet Union, I did not judge the judicial system here too harshly. Seeing mostly the part that involves jury deliberations, I have to say that over the years my initial skepticism toward jurors was replaced with admiration. Juries mostly, almost always, get it right. If they don't, it is usually because of unfair rulings by the judge and important, balancing evidence being kept out, or because of considerations that we do not fully understand, not having seen what they had seen. The admiration comes from observing them finding ways to work together, despite their great differences. As for corporate defense attorneys who have earned themselves a bad reputation, I have never observed them doing anything unethical, although some misconduct was brought in during various cases.

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  8. This struck a chord with me. I'm one of those people who has always been acutely aware of the inequities in life and the justice system. It's good to know that the cynics out there can come around to seeing the same things that I do.

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