In My Head

Not a good place to be

My thoughts have been all over the place today. I will spare you a sloppily done post and start a new series of (que drum roll): Random Thoughts. My thoughts are generally all over the place but I am typically able to filter them into some kind of organized logical rationale. Strike that, how can I judge the soundness of my own thoughts. Of course it’s logical to me. Anyway, here are five random thoughts.


1.The older I get the more I think about babies. I say in a high pitched voice almost daily, “I want a baby!!!!” Actually I whine it. Maybe the whine is an indication that I don’t need one. More to the point, is this what they call a woman’s biological clock. My thirty year old friend who I think has some kind of omnipotent knowledge base (that description doesn’t have anything to do with what I’m about to say next) says that this baby yearning gets worst as you near thirty. And so this is where the random thought really comes in. Where I go from a random thought to an even more obscure connection to that random thought. See watch. Does the fact that every five minutes I hear black women aren’t getting married make me want a baby more? Maybe, this yearning isn’t the natural ticking of my clock but instead just the forced one that these people are shoving down my throat. I equate baby to husband and if there is a risk of no husband then maybe that means no baby. Now that I put that down, that’s a rather enlightening position. I should have done a post on that. Oh well.

2.Why do we purposely listen to sad songs when we are feeling somber? It makes no sense. No one wants to feel sad, yet, we will do something that almost facilities the feeling. Then we are listening to this sad music and crying and it’s just all so dramatic. For what? When we could have put on some feel good type music and tried to turn our clichéd frown upside down. Maybe we like stewing in our own self-deprivation. (que: the sad song I’m listening to now).

3.Where’s Lauryn Hill? That is not a random thought. I have this thought all the time. I ask friends like she might be hiding in their shoe. So maybe this inquiry has gone from a random thought to a recurring one. Does the frequency of a thought change its level on the random-o-meter?

4.Which takes me to my next random thought. (That was such a sentence fragment). What is a random thought? Any thought is the result of situations and circumstances. Situations and circumstances are random occurrences that God or the universe or someone puts before us. So, at the very least life is random. The sperm choosing the random egg that created us is the start of our lives and it’s as random as it comes. Next time someone tells me I’m random, I’ll be sure to let them know this little random tid bit.

5.Is it normal in the middle of a “cry yourself to sleep night” to have this very lucid thought: that maybe I should not make a night of this heavy, noisy, crying because if I do then my eyes will be puffy the next day and I’ll just look a sad mess all day. I don’t think that’s normal. Definitely not.