I don’t believe in them. Nope. A friend asked what my new year’s resolutions are. I quickly dismissed it. New year, same shi*t. It’s just my mentality though. I am the same person that doesn’t believe in time, not really. I believe in yesterday and I believe in today. I believe yesterday is the same as today. Life—to me, just one long day. We die the same day we are born. We construct minutes, days, weeks, months, years to make sense of it all. We try to organize space into something called time. Time is just space evolved. In essence, there are no natural time markers, therefore, I am not going to go against nature and try to make importance of trivial socially constructed touchstones. So, nope, I don’t believe in them.
What I do believe in is what I told my friend I want for 2011, my forward moving. I believe in progression. I believe in evolution. I believe in my own personal growth. I told her that I want to (full disclosure) continue moving forward, not fall back into old traps. No backtracking. No backpedaling. I want to skip the whole three or four months of traditionally and crazily texting, emailing, and calling a mirage. Let’s just skip right over that. I want to continue forgetting. I relish moments when I realize that the past is finally beginning to blur and feelings are contemplating subsiding. Feelings I clutched to, I now am freely willing to let go of. I want more of that for the upcoming year. I don’t need a new year to make me want those things for myself though. I want it because instead of whispering before I drift to sleep, “goodnight *******” to the darkness, to a man no longer in my life I want to say “goodnight Erica” roll over and be content with whose in my bed—myself.
So, while I don’t have a list of resolutions, what I do have is what I know to be true. I know the following list of moments, things, songs, movies, etc. were my favorites from 2010. That’s the only thing that is resolved as I go into 2011. Enjoy.
1. Kanye West’s Runaway video and song. Pure artistry. I listened to only that song for an entire month. The full eight minutes of it, loving the end best.
2. Love Jones. I’m late (I know I know) but I get giddy every time I watch (like three or four times in a row each time). Nina and Darius dancing at The Wild Hare makes me blush, oh and the scenes right after that. Wink.
3. Darius from Love Jones. He changed my entire “type” from unattainable to available.
4. Me asking a friend, tongue in cheek “goodness how have I gotten so wise” and her responding: “this bitch called life.” Hilarity. Honesty.
5. Me in the kitchen every week over the summer baking, trying to ease my restlessness, quiet my heart.
6. “Hard in the paint.” Shamelessly. I wont even say who that’s by. We all know.
7. A discovered love for Erykah Badu. Pleasantly.
8. Smoothie King. Every single morning.
9. Yoga. Quiets the soul. Controls the body.
10. The boy that made me see there are others at a time when thought I had met the only one. The hours that I fell into him, while still understanding he was only in my life to whisper the secret that there are more .
11. Benadryl. Don’t knock it til’ you try it, it’s helped through many sleepless and difficult nights.
12. Cupcake runs! Yum.
13. Cardio at sunrise.
14. The Sartoralist. (http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com)
15. The night friends got together to do speed dating, staying out until the wee hours of the morning. Good night. Funny night.
16. The moment I realized I was talking to a murderer during a client interview in an attorney booth, said “ohhh, ok! Murder one!” tried to balance my tone and make sure I could make a quick exit.
17. Realizing drug dealers are seriously deluded. They really have a skewed sense of reality. I lost respect. Sad. (And yes, at one point I did in some ways respect the hustle of a drug dealer...that’s another post.)
18. My birthday spa treat. Amazingly thoughtful.
19. When I realized only I write “multiple choice questions”. It’s really quite rare. I’m really quite rare. Smh. Smile.
20. Finally becoming proud instead of embarrassed that I have the depth to allow a short affair to profoundly and positively change my life. Literally, change it. Change me.
21. The space of this blog. I love this space.
22. The readers that let me know how much they appreciate this space.
For conformity's sake..."Happy New Year!"
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